Talk about the value of humility. What does the average Singaporean know about humility? He doesn’t know the feeling of being directly dwarfed by great people, for his ego forbids him, subconsciously, from comparing himself to them. His ego tells himself that they exist in a different league, being shaped by extraordinary circumstances and born with extraordinary intellect which he had not the fortune of possessing – he ought not to be compared them; perhaps comparing himself to people perceived to be of similar calibre should be fairer. But the bias of the mind and ego often chooses its candidates for comparison with great partiality and care – it takes its choice of poor picks, and rationalises how these people failed in where they could have succeeded, while comparing himself in a favourable light.

But no, such subconscious processes are disregarded, for the fact that they are subconscious and Singaporeans seldom confront such ugly things. The last person you want your ugliness to be seen by is yourself, because there is no escape from your own self-consciousness. You can always persuade yourself that other people are ‘misguided’, and ease yourself of your guilt – right?

The Singaporean escape is simple – a blind and zealous devotion to these values. Isn’t it simple to live a life of virtue by conceiving of all kinds of ways to incorporate these values in their life? Humility must be a simple concept – and must be justified by actions (man, who thinks of mindsets?). So, they go about and say, “No lah I suck at _______”, whether he is good at it or not. That is just an example. The best thing is he actually believes that he’s being terribly modest, terribly virtuous.

I talk about humility. I believe humility to be an honest sense of awe towards those who have succeeded, being aware of one’s potential errors. I believe it to be the opposite of condescension. I believe it to be openness, a willingness to have one’s perspective challenged (in a logical and objective fashion I hope).

I do not believe it is about contrived self-deprecating talk.

Other values such as sympathy are also abused. Sympathy doesn’t involve donating regularly on flag day, it doesn’t mean feeling the strong emotion of great sadness and pity for those in unfortunate circumstances. We are conditioned to believe so deeply in such emotions, such that we actually contrive to feel them just to feel morally satisfied. I think such attitudes merely reflect on the dearth of virtue in our society.

Maybe I am misguided in my values, or perhaps I am a product of this highly meritocratic society – I value ability over cheap moral talk.

And are other societies better off?

The choice of words form the medium, conveying the content and substance of the conversation. They are the material, the tangible; yet they are merely a symptom, a manifestation of the attitude and intent that lies underneath. One can be sophisticated, laconical, bombastic or simplistic. The choice of words merely reflect such characteristics, and they are means for further evaluation of the conversation.

Attitude. Different people have different attitudes. Callousness is my gesture of intimacy – it tests the waters, impinges on your comfort, and lets you know how much you have learnt to tolerate me and my trespasses, and hence the depth of our relationship. It brings along a discomfiting frankness, a reminder of my probing presence that you should never be at ease with the decisions you have made. I never readily show my support; I play the devil’s advocate, because everyone ought to be surer of their choices. I see no way out but to question it.

The intent in conversation. Oftentimes the intent lies unconcealed and naked, but seldomly explicitly defined. It involves a peripheral awareness of the conversation : the relationship between the party, the situation, the content of exchange, the words, the attitude. I believe that there is the least ambiguity in intent: it is the most derivative of deductions, and it draws from such a myriad factors involved – any disparity between the hypothetical intent and the identified factors easily rules it out.

The army obliges me to those whom I do not choose to concern myself with, and vice versa. The reasoning which bore our bond is tenuous, yet I try my best to make some meaning out of it. I grow frustrated, yet I remind myself that people come and go, nothing is at stake. I attempt to treat them with some sophistication, I fail, and lose some respectability in the eyes of the observer projected by my own imagination. People who do not ask, people who are convinced of their respectability, people who are intoxicated by their self-righteousness. I too, am a victim of my self-righteousness, but on a different level – I rarely lash out, because I am wary, because I second-guess my deductions, because I am aware that I could be wrong. Yet I have such a deep trust in this habit of repeated self-questioning (and generation of doubt) that I wonder if it would have been correct to have tried to be less conscious of the correctness and validity of my position, and harshly struck out anyway.

And I wonder if this is a lesson of life, when all I reach is an impasse- I am overwhelmed by its opacity and their impregnable skulls, and strangely, I can’t shrug it off.

Similarly, the experiment, when conducted with electrons, yields similar results. The conclusion was that things which we observe to be particles do carry wave characteristics too. Scientists decided to conduct one last experiment: instead of firing the electrons in a beam (like shining light), they fired electrons 1 by 1. If you fired electrons in a beam, it is natural that the diffraction pattern will be formed since all the electrons in flight interfere with each other (their wave properties) and yield a nett effect of the diffraction pattern. But if they were fired 1 by 1, such interference theoretically should not occur. After a large number of electrons were (1 by 1) fired, their positions were collectively analysed – to the scientists’ surprise, the diffraction pattern was still apparent. It seemed that the probability which decided the landing location of the particle already under interference, and the (possible outcomes of  the) particle was hence (?) interfering with itself.

Their only conclusion was this: Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle was ‘real’, and a particle does not have a fixed location (and velocity) until a measurement is made. And in this state of uncertainty before the measurement is made, the possible states do not just exist as an imagined probability – despite being merely a possible and unrealized outcome, they exerted a real effect on the real, physical world, and interfered with each other (being waves, despite being in the realm of what we believe to be imaginary) to affect the final measurement.

Decisions in life are similar: decisions made by yourself, or decisions made by others which have an effect on you. Before the point where the fated outcome is set in stone (and hence becomes reality), our imagination of the outcomes exert a real effect on our moods and our daily actions. Reality and imagination is less compartmentalised as they may seem to be, and interference exist between both realms. Like the theoretical electron of uncertainty, we live a reality entwined with all imagined possible outcomes, hurtling through time and towards the screen where our fate is ascertained and all interference stripped. Imaginary happiness evaporates upon distraction, while imaginary despair lingers; it would seem that idle thought about the unknown is an endeavour doomed to futility or misery after all.

Anyway.

“I imagine how great it’d be to stay here as long as I wanted. There are lots of books on the shelf I’d like to read, still plenty of food. But I know I’m just passing through and will have to leave before long. This place is too calm, too natural – too complete. I don’t deserve it. At least not yet.”

-Kafka on the Shore 

I think I have just found the answer/reason behind the instinctive feeling of discomfort about leaving Singapore for a more slow-paced life, perhaps as a librarian somewhere overseas – there is just too much ideality in such a lifestyle, especially when contrasted with that of a Singaporean male. Our lives revolve around our daily burdens and distractions : we thrive in the state of preoccupation while subconsciously praying for the disruptive buzz from our phones – we fiddle with our phones just waiting for some sms to pop up. Of course we look for something else. The ideal life is out there, in the temperate region with a lazy pace of life, surrounded by the serene scenery only a country larger than Singapore can offer. (Come think of it, people from temperate regions crave for a retirement life on some tropical island – isn’t that a proof that ideals are merely relative and we only seek change in our lives, regardless of our present state? I.e. we’ll never attain our ideals or the state of satisfaction?)

I could ask you if you want to be whisked off to, I don’t know, England or somewhere nice, and live your life surrounded by whatever you like, without any burdens or responsibilties. Or if you want the scenario to be more realistic: how about I pull you out of OCS and give you an instant ORD?

I would say no, even though training burns my time and energy and numbs me mentally. I always asked myself why, and I tried to convinced myself with a list of reasons.

1.) The force of habit: I am too used to living a busy life (oh no, potential workaholic?)
2.) Subconscious desire : Actually wanting to train to get stronger/better etc
3.) Goals of my army training already entrenched inside my mind, hence I am intinctively unwilling to give up on these goals? (partially related to the force of habit)
4.) Because I won’t be like everybody else and the desire for conformity is acting on me?

I identified with none of them, and hence I stopped asking. Similarly for life, I wouldn’t want to go live a carefree life in somewhere cozy and comfortable, if you gave me the choice right now. But now I understand, it is because we don’t feel that we deserve it yet. Being at home feels good, because training 5-6 days a week in the army is the act of earning the privilege of being able to stay at home. Being at the mountaintop feels good because you have climbed the mountain. So simple and cliched.

I don’t know whats the point of writing this, it feels too simple to warrant any writing. But it does, it does, it does answer all my doubts about living a life fraught with challenges – because I haven’t earned my right to live a good life yet.

Anyway, some random food for thought:

Very fundamentally, right-wing politics celebrate the differences which exist in humans, while left-wing politics celebrate the similarities shared between humans.

If you were to split people into being street-smart and intelligent (or book-smart), only those who are intelligent can appreciate street-smartness, but rarely the other way round.

-
Their eyes some closed some open, excited
their mouths filled with banal chatter
their minds all living in the fleeting present
while their most intense memories lie dormant

-
Some grudging gazes draw down towards the sea:
swishing, dimly lit by ferry lights
the others fall forward, faraway, inclined
where the flag imperially beckons

-
Their pride from pain and sweat forged
their spirits repeatedly broken then mended
yet these things held dear carry but little worth
being in every other Singaporean’s possession.

Since a significant amount of resources must be dedicated towards the maintenance and sustenance of our defence (without which we are unable to maintain military superiority), national service is a good solution- it would be harder to argue against diverting resources away from our defence when we rely on national service instead of a regular army, as our resources invested in the army would still be directly utilised by the many Singaporean citizens going through NS every year; in a sense, our taxpayers’ money is still goes back to us. If a regular army were to be used, then the defence budget would seem to be a leakage where our taxpayers’ money is lost to an external organisation and for a cause which the average civilian is unable to identify with.

To put it simply, compare:

“The tax I am paying goes towards building better facilities for the Singaporean boys (the sons of everybody I know) who are doing their NS (something which I too have went through before)”

“The tax I am paying goes towards the army (comprising of people whom I do not personally know)”

etc. But that’s actually a minor point.

2.) Imagine if a neighbouring country were to invade Singapore in 7 days (where there is insufficient time for one to bring his family and belongings over to a safer place overseas), nearly every person in Singapore would be willing to take up arms to defend our country. It is only then when we will be thankful that we have been taught and trained to fight a war during our stint in NS. It is just like how many South Koreans rushed to join the elite Marines right after the shelling incident: we realise how fragile (and important) peace is only when it is threatened.

3.) We often put NS into a very personal context when evaluating it; when thinking about it, we often slot it in between our JC life and university life, and being juxtaposed against the bright future which awaits a student, it will seem to be a waste of time. But if we put NS in another context, where it forms one of the the foundations which allow an ordered society such as Singapore to exist, another picture will emerge. We must understand that national security is one of the criteria which must be met such that a bright future can even await us. Yes, it can be said that we should not be ‘selfish’ when looking at NS, where a sacrifice (can it even count as a sacrifice when it is able to bring us national security, something which many countries yearn for?) is made for the greater good, but to be honest we do it for ourselves too – we serve with everyone else and reap the benefits together.

4.) The inequality which exists with social order is often better than the equality which exists with chaos. Some may say that our systematic subjugation in NS is parallel to how the Singapore population is kept in control by the political and economic elite (they call them the Lee Family), but the same happens in every other country. (In fact, the presence of social order may already justify the control, especially when compared to war-torn countries) The situation is worse in those rife with corruption. Despite the fact the large disparity between various income groups, the existence of good mobility between social classes (defined by income levels anyway) and the principle of meritocracy in Singapore contributes a lot towards equity already.

Even so, the question arises: you say that you defend the Singapore, and too its economic system (one filled with inequality)- if the enemy of Singapore were to say, let me take over and I will redistribute wealth equally, would you still defend Singapore?

Yes, one should, because one defends his right (as well as the right of his children) to climb the income ladder. Just because the income ladder exists and there are people are not all on the same rug of the ladder does not imply that the society is better off without the ladder. It is only with such a ladder do people aspire to excel in their work. The desire for power over others is a motivation for people to work hard, and any dream for a society with perfect equality making progress with all its citizens hand-in-hand is just naive. If you defend Singapore you defend your chance to satisfy your primal desire to be superior to others, in this case, financially. I believe that within a functioning capitalist society it is usually a zero sum game where some get richer and others poorer, and relative poverty cannot be removed.

5.) If you were to ask, “Why should I take two years of my time to serve the nation when I can use the time for studies/advancing my career?”, you should ask yourself why do you assume that you are entitled to the life which you want to lead? Although the most layman conclusion is that we shouldn’t take things for granted, it is more useful for one to redefine what one is entitled to; hence if you wanted to live the Singaporean life of security (both financially and otherwise), then you will have to pay the 2 year price of NS to keep Singapore safe. Some people in other countries are more than happy to pay that price, because of low levels of security and economic development in their countries – in the end it is a matter of perspective: whether you feel that you are entitled to the Singaporean way of life just by virtue of being born here.

6.) National Service infuses national security with the Singaporean identity; the national identity of most other countries do not have that, with the exception of Taiwan / South Korea etc, who both, coincidentally, have their own conscription systems equivalent to NS, as well as a persistent threat to their national security- China / North Korea respectively. Other nations with conscription, such as Israel, also face persistent threats to their national security, from Palestine as well as other aggressors (remember the 6-day war- Israel needs its defence).

By comparison with the abovementioned countries, some may say that national service in Singapore isn’t necessary because SE Asia isn’t some tumultuous region rife with street violence and terrorist groups. There isn’t any real arms race around (if there even was one, it would have been started by us), neither are there open aggression or rogue states. My only response is that we will never know when things will change, when major world-changing events will occur. Our diplomatic ties may be strong right now, but they are still at the mercy of whoever will become the leaders of our neighbours tomorrow. What if anti-Singaporean politicians take power over the next decade? Our diplomacy also holds no real power without formidable military forces to back it up.  We cannot forsee the future, nor build an army within a few years when we think we need it; an army is an organisation which has to be built as early as possible and conscientiously maintained and improved upon.

Some people have compared Singapore with Israel, being the only non-Muslim countries surrounded by Muslim neighbours – it is plain stupid to immediately say we are in danger of being surrounded and attacked, but it is true that there already exists a dotted line and all that is left well, is for one to tear along the dotted line.

7.) reminder to self: army too integrated into singaporean society.

Q: When do I first get to book out?

A: 14 days after you enlist. Does not matter if you are PTP or not. Commanders are also barred from inflicting informal punishments ( “knock it down” ) during this period. If your company is a mixed one which has both PTP and BMT-enhanced (people who got silver for NAPFA), then they will join later at the 8th or 9th week when the BMT phase starts. Upon their enlistment, they will have to undergo their 2 week confinement, but fortunately for you, you won’t need to repeat that.

After your first 14 day confinement, you will receive your weekly bookouts which can range anywhere from one as generous as Friday evening to Sunday night to one as miserable as a Saturday afternoon till Sunday afternoon, depending on your company culture.

Strict OCs (OC is the officer commanding, he is usually a commissioned officer with the rank of Captain and is in charge of a company) may tend to keep you back for RT (remedial training) if your IPPT performance falls short of expectations – this means you will only get to book out on late Saturday morning or Saturday afternoon after your RT. If you perform well in IPPT, and achieve a pass or silver minimum (depends on OC’s policy), you may not need to attend RT, and should be able to book out either Friday night or Saturday early morning.

Other things which may affect your bookouts include (and are not confined to) – punishments and guard duty. To put it briefly – you may get confined for making mistakes, which can last anywhere from a 24hr-delayed book out to a whole weekend burned. Guard duty means you will spend the whole day/night guarding the camp, and will have to book in early the night before your day of duty. Interesting trivia – as recruits in PTP phase you are not trained in firearms (SAR-21), and hence will be using wooden batons and rattan shields.

Q: Tell me more about PTP.

A: PTP is for recruits who did not manage to get Silver in NAPFA. It is a 8 or 9 week (cant remember) period before BMT where you spend all your time practising to pass your IPPT; there will be very little (close to none) stuff from actual BMT. The typical schedule for the day is as such

0530 – Reveille
0545 – Fall in for 5BX (5 Basic Exercises won’t take 3 minutes of your time) and water parade
0600 – Go for breakfast
After breakfast till 0730 approx – Area Cleaning (your sergeants will be doing random spot checks)
0800-1000 –  Usually a run, like AGR or Speed Training
1000-1200 – Static exercises, usually IST or Circuit training
1300 – 1500 – If you are lucky, AquaJog. Usually no strenuous activities like runs will be held here as its too hot
1500-1700 –  Strength Training
1800 – dinner
2000 – 2200 – If you are unlucky you will have sergeant-led PT. If you are lucky you could either have OTOT PT or no PT at all.

Here’s an explanation of the various exercises

AGR -

Ability group run. The company will be sorted out into 4 groups based on their running ability, then made to run at a moderate pace over a rather long time. Your first AGR will start off at approximately 15 minutes, and slowly be upgraded to 20, 25, and finally 30min (of continuous running)

Speed Training -

Sprint / jog in a 1:2 (if I recall correctly) ratio. Initially you will sprint for 30 sec, then jog/rest for 60 sec. But as you go along in PTP it will be increased to sprint 60/ jog 120, sprint 120/jog 240 etc.

IST -

IPPT Station Training – Static exercises, usually split into SBJ, Pullup and Shuttle Run stations. SBJ – usually jumping exercises, pullup is just do many pullups, be it assisted or not. Shuttle run – suicides (run back and forth).

Circuit training -

Static exercises in stations (pushups, jumping jacks, planks, flutterkicks, dips, you name it), do for a certain timing, be it 30 sec or 60 sec, then rotate.

Aquajog -

You tie this floatation device on your back, and start “running” in the water (your feet won’t touch the ground). Miraculously you start moving! (but really slowly) The most fun of PT, and is meant to be a ‘recovery’ session for your legs. You will do some swims at the pool too. Non-swimmers will have to wear their “commando” red cap and learn to swim, hah.

Strength training -

involves dumbbells, throwing/catching of medicine balls (basket-ball sized, but around 2? 3? 4? kg heavy) Attire will be “upgraded” from PT attire to Long 4 (long sleeved camouflage uniform) as you go along in PTP.

OTOT training -

Own Time Own Target training. Which means you choose what you want to train – it can be more intensive, or less so, as compared to PTP training, so as to fit your training needs. You can ask your sergeants to open the gym for you, or you could do static exercises / runs on the track (around your company line). But remember to sign out of the book if you are doing your OTOT training.

Q: Will you get reallocated to another unit when BMT phase starts?

A: No. Once you are allocated to that company you stay there, together with other PTP recruits. Your platoon/section SHOULD stay the same.

Q: I am pretty fit, but I got into NS because I forgot to take my NAPFA at Toa Payoh. What happens to me?

A: You may be given the chance to opt out of PTP (means you can go back home and slack 8 weeks before you rejoin your company when BMT phase starts) if you perform very well for your first IPPT. “Very well”, however, is subjective and is determined by your Commanders (people who run the company); you will probably be required to get a Silver, or even a Gold.

Q: How’s the food?

A: The meals are heavy but balanced. You only have a little over 15 minutes to finish your food (that is just for my company) which means you must eat fast. Ice cream on certain days of the week (for mine it was Tuesday) – sometimes you get Soyjoy too.

Q: How’s the water?

A: Tastes bad, and you have to water parade 500ml in 1 shot with it. Doesn’t feel good.

Q: Will I get vaccinated?

A: Yes, but it is nothing to worry about. For chickenpox and something else (tetanus? hepatitis? I can’t remember)

Q: What items are contraband?

A: Handphone chargers, and other things which are “duh” contraband. Things such as books etc may depend on the policy of your Company.

Q: When do I get to call my parents?

A: Admin time at night (after you are briefed on the schedule for tomorrow)

Q: What is admin time, then?

A: Free time, in general. Your sergeants can choose to use that time to fulfill their own agenda, like teaching you extra stuff or asking you to sign forms.

Q: What happens to my dirty clothes? Are there coin-operated washing machines?

A: No, you wash them yourself. Do bring along some laundry powder. Sunning your dirty clothes is also a good alternative – the power of the sun simply rids all repulsive odours and makes your uniform dry and crisp – to a nearly magical extent.

Q: Do I need to bring in anything? Any pro tips?

A: No. Everything you need is provided. If you don’t like doing your laundry often you can always buy extra shirts when you book out. You will be told where to buy it. Benzoyl Peroxide stains your shirts orange, so you may not want to wipe your fingers on your shirt after using that substance (It’s an ingredient in some pimple creams). You can also claim some money if you have purchased a pair of spectacles for NS purposes, so don’t throw away / please bring your receipt.

Please eat protein rich foods (I eat egg whites) on your weekends to facilitate and aid your muscle recovery and growth, if not you’ll be perpetually having muscle-ache.

Email me at cancerstick99@gmail.com if you have queries of any kind regarding – PTP / BMT / OCS Common Leadership Module / OCS Service Term / OCS Signals Officer Cadet Course – I will try my best to answer your questions – I was completely clueless when I enlisted, and know how it sucks to feel unprepared, yup.

The clichéd (the usual and more):

Dreams / Ideals / Companionship / Loneliness / Guilt / Happiness / Romance / Fear / Thrill of an adventure / Job (or rather lack thereof) / Courage / Conspiracies (yes, yes) / Following the path paved for you / Self-esteem / Obsession / Moving on in life / Depression / Addiction / de2 guo4 qie3 guo4



The more subtle or the less clichéd (I do them such a big disservice by simplifying it):

Camaraderie / Ennui & melancholy / Blame / Ideality in people / Self-psyching / Contrived self-esteem / Self-preservation + Survival (in the modern world) / Imagination / Existential Crises / Being cornered / Pragmatism / Realism vs Surrealism / Delusions of grandeur / Repetition / Consumerism / Minority / Lack of permanence / Permanence (last part of the story) / What defines a ‘relationship’ (? most people don’t consciously think about this) / Social needs

Societal Phenomena (the Japanese context):

Suicide cults / pyramid schemes / MMORPGs / hikikomori NEETs / Otakus & anime



Miscellaneous (useful tools):

Psychology / Psychoanalysis / History / Philosophy / Education



Briefly:

Despite what most reviewers say, the plot on the whole is still rather incredible, although it is very easy for most people to identify with what the characters are going through. Welcome to the NHK seeks to provide a more personal insight into the social problems which plague the urban world, and brings some comfort to those who feel that they are left behind. Nonetheless, the anime does not really offer any real solution or inspiration for our daily problems, but rather ends off on a rather unresolved “Que Sera Sera” note.

Whatever happens, we’ll be fine, righto? That’s the general consensus of people like me who don’t have any plan.

1.) Considers decision and the next best alternative (NBA), with NBA being opportunity cost
2.) Instinct: reduce opportunity cost, which they interpret to be the forgoing as little of the NBA as possible. (duh, we’re kiasu)
3.) Only option is to shift production possibility curve (PPC), so as to enjoy the maximum benefit from both decisions- but neglects the cost of expanding PPC.
4.) Harder work and greater levels of consumptions achieved in an almost fanatical fashion